


But Now I Run Away

by TREESlVAN



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 20:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8174978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TREESlVAN/pseuds/TREESlVAN
Summary: in which josh is reminded of a promise he made to himself long ago.





	

Hours before the show, Josh and Tyler sat on the same couch together, scrolling through whatever social media platform that caught their interest most at the moment. Every now and then, they’d show each other something funny that a member of the Clique posted and laugh at it, or gush over some cool fan art. Other than that, they were relatively quiet.

Even after all these years, the two boys were always awfully nervous before every show. It was times like these that they could only enjoy each other’s presence in silence.

All of a sudden, a slight pressure on his arm pulled Josh out of his head, forcing him to watch his best friend adjust himself against Josh. “Wake me up when it’s time to go,” Tyler mutters in a quiet voice as he closes his eyes.

Josh was captivated by the way Tyler’s eyebrows slightly knit together and the way he had hardened his jaw. Softly, he answered, “Yeah, sure, no problem.” 

He watched the way Tyler slowly began to unknit his eyebrows and grow slack against Josh’s arm. He watched the way the Tyler’s chest rose and fell in a more even and rhythmic beat. He watched the way Tyler’s nose flared ever-so slightly with every breath he took.

All the while, Josh felt his hand scrunch up the fabric of his shirt near his chest as his heart clenched and stomach fluttered. Every bone and fiber yearned to get closer—to hug and protect Tyler and join him in the Dream World.

Instead, Josh closed his eyes and tried to focus on the noises outside of their dressing room in an attempt to ignore the pounding against his ribcage and his sweaty palms and shaky breaths.

A picture was trying to form against the back of his eyelids, and he attempted to push it away to the deepest parts of his brain.

Because he knew what it was before it even came.

It was the day he first paid attention to the very feeling he was experiencing at thatvery moment many years ago. Except, Josh wasn’t pained by the mere thought of what was happening in his heart.

That was the day Josh Dun realized he was so, desperately in love with Tyler Joseph.

And that was the day Tyler and Jenna became a couple.

Since then, Josh promised that he’d never let his feelings interfere with the happiness Jenna brought Tyler. As much as it hurt him, Josh could never take that away from him.

Opening his eyes, Josh impatiently wiped at the tears on his cheeks and looked down at his sleepy best friend. He waited a moment before prying Tyler away from him for the billionth time since they met. Usually, he’d be able to do this without waking him up; but, this time, Tyler opened his eyes a fraction of an inch.

The two boys stared at each other for a few seconds before Josh stood up and rushed to the fridge, thankful for the cool air that nipped at his warm cheeks. He pretended to rummage through it, but his hands had already wrapped around a specific can and bottle.

“Hey, Josh, can you get me a—“

“A Red Bull? Got it,” Josh cut him off in a tight voice. He moved away and returned to his best friend, handing him the energy drink.

“Are you okay?”

Shrugging, Josh sat down next to Tyler and replied, “Just nervous, I guess.”

Tyler dropped the subject and seemed to ignore the way Josh fiddled with his bottle of water.

Josh kept his eyes away from his best friend as Tyler made jokes and gushed over how great their show was going to be in that attractive raspy voice of his. None of his words were processing in Josh’s head because he was busy ignoring the clenching of his heart.

And he ignored the way his lungs refused to take in air.

He ignored the way his throat had clamped shut.

He ignored the way he was able to laugh effortlessly as he hid the pain that he had buried deep inside his chest after so many years.

For Josh knew full and well that, if he wanted to be by Tyler’s side, he had to endure the side-effects of being in love with the boy that will never love him back the same way as him.


End file.
